codependency trap

Domestic violence is not only physcial abuse

During my career I have helped many clients to pursue a sense of personal power and emotional sufficient enough to be safe, strong and healthy while working through relationships with aggressive and / or abusive partners.

In general, these aggressive abusive relationships flourish in relationships that are given the power to control a person. To maintain power and control in their relationships, have to be in relationships with people which often have poor boundaries, low self-esteem and have little or no confidence (a feeling of personal power). Similarly, co-dependency and co-addictive People come into the radar of the abusive partner, "especially when you're an addict.

To maintain power and control in the relationship, the abuser has that control the relationship in order to create an atmosphere of fear, insecurity, and perceived powerlessness. Consequently, a complex dynamic of domination and submission are creates, in which power and control is perpetuated by physical, emotional or verbal abuse, or fear of repetition of such abuses.

Be afraid, do not feel that have the power to stop abuse, and secretly believe that he could not find anyone better (to be brainwashed), the partner of the victim believes that they have no power and, therefore, trapped in a perpetual cycle of emotional, verbal or physical violence. The cycle is maintained by frequent episodes of abuse that ultimately "washing brain "of the victim's partner in the belief that they have no resource (or resources) to stop the abuse. The cumulative effects of further abuse cycle to create feelings of helplessness, it also immobilizes the victim's partner.

Contrary to what many think, the most common way of maintaining power and control is not through the use of physical violence. Most abuse is done emotionally or verbally. Most victims of physical and emotional abuse or verbal attest that verbal and emotional wounds are deeper, more painful and take longer to heal.

The following list illustrates the tactics that the abuser used to exercise the power of his victim partner which does not include physical violence.

1. Intimidation
2. Emotional abuse
3. Blame, denial and minimizing
4. Financial control
5. Isolation
6. As for your children and / or friends against them
7. Coercion and threats

The associate of the victim remains "tied" in the abusive relationship because of his lack of experience and knowledge with the relationships based on reciprocity, respect, and equity. Often, the victim comes from a family that is damaged or neglect or harm a witness or negligence of a parent. Often one or both of His parents were an abuser or a victim of domestic violence. Therefore, the partner of the victim leans toward what is familiar, or unconsciously, reminiscent of what we experience as children. Though strange and paradoxical: How does it feel family is also apparently safe.

The individuals, who are so or aggressive, daring, and / or nervous, seem to be the partners of the victim partner is as "sexy". Although this perspective "attractive" partner seems certain, there are red flags that are lurking, invisible at this point. Also, the aggressive person is unconsciously attracted to a type, forgiveness, acceptance, and understand, they unconsciously recognize as someone who can control and that will not leave if not abusive side emerges.

The relations between these two types of people usually start with a bang: the high levels of attraction and infatuation, the limits of the poor, and intense and frequent sexual activity. Unfortunately, after the "chemistry" disappears, the unconscious elements come to the surface. The abuser is established dominance and the victim feels trapped and therefore falls prey to a role of passivity, fear and helplessness.

The saddest part of this dynamic relationship is the couple victim unwillingly and unknowingly repeats the same patterns of their parents and their parents, parents – all of whom mistakenly believed the love and commitment replaces respect, fairness, reciprocity, and all, safety. "Love" is maintained at all costs.

There is help for victims of domestic violence. The therapists and I offer a way out.

For more information: www.helpguide.org / mental / domestic_violence

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