codependency enabler

A special letter from Father Christmas

A special letter from Father Christmas to the whole family

When I received the usual note of Christmas this Betty year, my daughter-in-law, about how "perfect" everything was for her family last year, and how nice it was to have a loving family like ours, I had some tingling in the back of my neck. As I thought and prayed for that tingling, finally identified the source. I had to ask myself this question, Is there a general denial system in place in our family about addiction? In other words, we are all "swept under the rug" so-called commonly, but not spoken since the death more tragic that we have all experienced, due to an addiction?

The simple truth is that just a year ago, all gathered for the funeral and mourn the death of John, our eldest son, Betty and brother in law of addiction. That reminded us all that we have people of our family who have problems with drugs, alcohol, depression, ADD, eating disorders, nicotine, etc are also reminded us that addiction can lead to death! Now, Carol, recently learned that now the younger brother of John, Tim, husband of Betty, you admit that your doctor tells you that your liver is showing signs of alcoholic liver disease. We were told that Tim tried so hard to do what his doctor told him to do. He drank gallons of water each day in an attempt to cleanse your liver poisons, and even reduce consumption! Now with your doctor reporting some improvements, I can say, as a recovering alcoholic myself with over twenty years of sobriety, Tim interpreted the news as "… I am healed, and now I go back to drinking normal "(whatever that is).

Drugs and alcohol have achieved most of my attention over the last twenty years because I had to work so hard to overcome my own addictions through 12-step programs. Yes, I suffered from ADD as a child in the days when children who had trouble concentrating and just called lazy. But so much has been learned since those days, and if you really love as much as we say we do in this family, Should not each arm ourselves with as much information as possible about any disease that is harming us?

How can we help Tim? How can we stop Tim from destroying himself and break all our hearts … again? The tragic truth is this, we can! I learned how difficult that no human power can stop an alcoholic to take the next drink. Tim wondered aloud to me if he can quit, and in land one of us can imagine that somehow could make you stop smoking? Tim is in the grip of a disease that causes mental and emotional duress of great scope for drinking alcohol. That makes the coercion could not help. And yet, until it does just that, nothing can be done for him!

This will takes himself to the question, what can we do? First, we'll take care of taking care of ourselves. This is a family disease and everyone of us has a piece on it. We seek the help of other people who have "been there" through community support groups like AA, Nar-A-no and Al-Anon. I am a leader of our family for example, and have learned a lot by leaving the form of Tim. I learned this after two years of attending one of the men of Al-Anon meeting in our community. Now I know that Tim should allow the dignity of making their own decisions. To learn and grow ourselves never harm another person. By learning through a A-Anon program as to spread the love we can give Tim a fighting chance to achieve their own ends and then ask for help. Tim needs a family who is recovering next to it, because it encourages … there is not much of those who deny that continue enabling him, keeping the fake smiles on their faces painted. We need people to thank God every morning, we're still alive, who are big enough to say "but for the grace of God go I!"

Here are to develop some skills that can help. It is the combined experience of millions of people like us who have had to deal with problems of addiction in their families.

Do.

Do learn the facts about alcoholism.
Do not talk to someone who understands alcoholism.
They go to Al-Anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism or center.
Do develop an attitude to match the facts.
D a personal inventory of yourself.
Not maintaining a healthy emotional environment at home.
Encourage new activities.

Don'ts

Do not preach or lecture.
Do not argue with a drunk alcoholic.
Do not has a "holier than thou" attitude.
Do not use the "if you want me" appeal.
Do not make threats that you will out.
Do not hide liquor or pour it out.
Do not bother the recovery method
Do not expect immediate happy sobriety.
Do not try to protect an alcoholic against alcohol.
Do not be discouraged by the mistakes you make.

You can change a word of alcohol to the drug of choice wherever you want.

A parent never knows how a child will eventually. When I took my own inventory of care as part of my recovery, I had to look at the example I put my children. I taught them that alcohol relieves stress perceived. I alcohol in the center of all family gatherings. I have proved that we could not enjoy a meal or a party without the presence of alcohol. That's how I taught, and I just passed along the next generation.

My dad had terrible battles depression. It became so obnoxious that no one could stand it. He was never completely incapacitated by his illness, but their mood changes had much to do with all our fears and inability to cope with reality. Do not misunderstand me. I do not blame my dad for my negligence, but I am aware of the disease how far this goes back into our family. The madness I'm trying to stop with this point is this: keep doing the same things generation after generation, while hoping that somehow we will have a different outcome.

The society now accepts that AD is caused by a chemical imbalance and mental, and some day is likely to learn the same about alcohol. People are getting help now for your ADD. Young people throughout our family with ADD are being treated with medications that help, and accept treatment are becoming excellent students. Until we can do the same with addiction, we must do everything possible for this generation to be part of the solution instead of part of the problem?

I am to live in shame for our family of warts. I'm tired to sweep these things under the carpet as we continue in lock step to destruction. For this year, and for the coming years, let's stop hiding our deficiencies. Let's celebrate that we can now identify them … we can hold them up to light and begin to correct it! Let us ask God in unison to give us the strength to try honestly with others and seek help when needed. We have another member of our family that needs help in 2008 but can not ask for it. Let's not let another tragedy happen to another loved one, because everyone sees the problem, while not supporting the solution.
I love all of you, with all my heart and soul. I I am proud of every one of you. You are fully acceptable to me, my God, as it is, but everyone can improve. Why can not we good together … like family we are?

Dad.

Mel addicted to being a sick 3 year old

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